Been a long time. I shouldn’t have waited so long.

Time to get back into this… sad I fell off the train for so long. 

I have had an interesting past few months, and a lot of stress that has somehow overwhelmed me more than stress has ever done before. I have had intense and dehabilitating anxiety attacks, I’ve had a lot of sleep disrupted, I was unhappy at my job and was stuck in a toxic environment in my home. My skin has broken out like a teenager going through puberty. Seriously, my body and mind have not been handling my stress as well as it has before, and I am not sure why. I probably should have reconnected with this blog back in January when I felt like I was losing my grip on everything. 

Anyway, I’ve made some changes to say the least. I have a new job now, one for the summer and am no longer employed at the daycare I worked at before. I am almost finished with school, I actually have a little over a week left until I am finished and can take a break from studying for a few months. I also have began the process of moving out of my house, which is a stress relief all on it’s own. The job and home environment were unknown stresses for me, I really thought it was just school that was causing my life to be in chaos but it turns out it was a heavy hit of all three of them. Once I got a grasp on my school shit, I was still massively stressed out and overly unhappy and fatigued constantly. So, coming down to what it is, I’ve learned a few things this year so far. First and foremost, when you don’t want to live with someone, but you do because you feel like you are helping them out, STILL DO NOT DO THIS. I have officially lost a friend because of the way we lived as roommates, and even though I don’t even really feel bad about it, I do feel bad about it. She is a person that, in her own way, is a good person. If I would never have lived with her, I would still think highly of her. Having said that, after living with her, I see she is just as fake as the person I lived with prior to her. Fake people are not people I respect or tolerate well. If you want to pretend that everything is perfect and life is awesome, so you aren’t showing the real shitty life you have going for yourself, fine. At least allow me to be one of those people that just gets to see the fake side though, because I am so so so so sick of seeing people say that they are this or that, and then boom, they are doing the exact opposite. I can understand people only showing the good shit, that’s what I do. I don’t fabricate good shit to cover up the bad though, and that’s what I feel like people are doing too much. Be fake and pretty and shiny on the outside, and when you look inside, it’s just a big blown up mess. Anyway, I completely lost respect for this person I lived with, and to be the “bigger person” and not argue and fight with someone who loves to ignore the obvious, I chose to just zip my lip, and keep to myself. Granted, I did use my twitter page to vaguely vent about my home life, because out of the 400 followers I have, I communicate with maybe 20. Which leads me to believe that barely any of my friends in real life use it. And those who do, don’t know who my roommate is, so it’s not like I am calling her out by name or making it so publicly known that every one of our mutual friends knows what kind of shitty roommate she is. I didn’t air dirty laundry in a place that would cause drama. And to be honest, I know my twitter is public. I know she could read it if she used it, or if someone told her about it. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky and hide my venting. If I wanted to do that, I could have posted somewhere else. I just needed to get that shit off my chest so I didn’t blow up at her. I started drinking on a regular basis, because I couldn’t stop my body from tensing up and wanting to be a bitch at her when she walked through the door. I didn’t want to be icy at her, and in result, she was icy at me. Finally, THANK GOD, finally, it blew up. I didn’t say MOST of what I wanted to or could have said to her, but I didn’t. I did say a few things that were bitchy, and she, of course, played the pitiful “poor me” part that she plays so well. Funny, I am not saying it’s all her fault, because I know I am a bit OCD about being a fucking adult and respectfully sharing responsibilities and the correct way to be a roommate, and obviously because I expect that out of a grown adult, and she couldn’t do that shit, I must be the crazy bitchy roommate she has to deal with. If I had to do a tit-for-tat list, which I don’t ever want to be in a situation that I have to do it, there is no way in fucking hell anyone would disagree with me as far as what a miserable roommate she is. Or what a sad example she is for her daughter. I am sorry, yes, I can judge someone when I see what their choices are and which one they choose instead of doing what’s best for the CHILD. Excuses are excuses, and when the time comes for her to pretend to be the best she can be, she does it. For someone else. The person who HAS to live with her doesn’t get the respect of a clean house, or dishes put away, or respectful use of the appliances and shit that MOST ROOMMATES JUST DO. No, she only does that shit when her boyfriend comes into town for the week and they get to play house. Not fair to the person who lives there and doesn’t want to play house with the fucking inconsiderate people. And funny, the motivational speaker of a boyfriend has such positive energy and thoughts that we should really get along, except he is actually quite inconsiderate and selfish when it comes to other people’s space and belongings. 

Wow….this escalated quickly. So many things I want to get off my chest, and once I got going, I couldn’t stop. 

To get back on track here, I got a new job at the old love of my life, in radio promotions. I got out of the daycare and even though the bridges there got burned, badly, I don’t regret it, because I lost respect for the owners of the establishment a long time ago. It’s like once I don’t respect you, I could give two shits if the bridge gets burned or not. I have a lot of jobs I could go back to, I have a lot of jobs I can’t. I have a lot of friends that were once roommates, and I have very few roommates that are now ex-friends. I actually don’t have too many bridges that have been burned, and when looking back at which ones have been, I don’t really mind it. There is a weird energy attached to those people I’ve disconnected from, and I am okay with not having anything to do with them anymore. That may sound harsh, but really, why is it a bad thing that I want to be happy, and those people/places/things don’t make me happy at all? I am selfish in that sense, yes. I like my way of living, and yes, if it doesn’t fly well with me, boom – I kick it out of my atmosphere. And you know what…? I am back to being as happy as I’ve been this year. I’m actually feeling happier than I have in a long time, and I am not sure which change in my life is having the most significance. All I know is the changes I’ve made for the summer have brightened my life, made me feel better as a person and I really wish them well – the people and places I’ve left. 

My favorite mantra – I wish you well, and I wish you away. 

Hidden Agendas

He hides. And he hides well. He slips away thinking he’s so smooth.

He thinks he is slick, and he is not. He also gets a kick from the desire I have for him.

He does it on purpose I think. And that’s not cool.

Besides that side of him, he’s one of the great ones.

Hard to call him a douchebag when he’s really a nice guy who just doesn’t get it.

What a lame reason to miss something awesome.

Being a funny, lame, scared, egotistical dude who can’t get a grip on what’s good and what’s not.

This goes beyond the rendezvous not happening, it just so happens to fit for that.

Why do I find these awesomely amazing guys who are so close to being MY perfect, and they have that small percent that’s keeping them from that perfection and it has such a hold on the rest? I don’t get it. And that’s okay.

I’m off dating now. I am off dreaming about what could be with guys who say what they think I want to hear. I don’t want another guy to make me feel like magical spark and then make up some excuse as to why that magic doesn’t work. Fuck that. I am back to me. So I guess I am happy that he hides the real him from me. I don’t know if I would want the real him or if I would be even more repulsed by the male population, but either way I am grateful for it.

Damn him though. I really wanted that rendezvous. Like, really really really wanted it. Side note with that, I actually NEED it. My back/hips/pelvis issue is easily remedied with some good late night bedroom cardio. Yeah, you got it. Sex. Oddly enough all the exercises and stretches I do for my bod are highly confused with sexual poses. I had sex save me a year ago when I fell on the ice, it has become an official part of my physical therapy and something I need to do on a regular basis.

Well, again. Damn him. I just want that hot, insatiable, wild sexy night. For fucks sake.

He hides. And he hides well. He slips away thinking he so smooth.

He thinks he is slick, and he is not. He also gets a kick from the desire I have for him.

He does it on purpose I think. And that’s not cool.

Besides that side of him, he’s one of the great ones.

Hard to call him a douchebag when he’s really a nice guy who just doesn’t get it.

What a lame reason to miss something awesome.

Being a funny, lame, scared, egotistical dude who can’t get a grip on what’s good and what’s not.

 

This goes beyond the rendezvous not happening, it just so happens to fit for that.

 

Why do I find these awesomely amazing guys who are so close to being MY perfect, and they have that small percent that’s keeping them from that perfection and it has such a hold on the rest? I don’t get it. And that’s okay.

I’m off dating now. I am off dreaming about what could be with guys who say what they think I want to hear. I don’t want another guy to make me feel like magical spark and then make up some excuse as to why that magic doesn’t work. Fuck that. I am back to me. So I guess I am happy that he hides the real him from me. I don’t know if I would want the real him or if I would be even more repulsed by the male population, but either way I am grateful for it.

Damn him though. I really wanted that rendezvous. Like, really really really wanted it. Side note with that, I actually NEED it. My back/hips/pelvis issue is easily remedied with some good late night bedroom cardio. Yeah, you got it. Sex. Oddly enough all the exercises and stretches I do for my bod are highly confused with sexual poses. I had sex safe me a year ago when I fell on the ice, it has become an official part of my physical therapy and something I need to do on a regular basis.

Well, again. Damn him. I just want that hot, insatiable, wild sexy night. For fucks sake.

Calvin & Hobbes never let me down.

10 life lessons from Calvin & Hobbes. Truest list I’ve read in a LONG time.

1. Make Your Own Rules
Life often doesn’t make sense. Assholes get promoted, the wrong people are pretty, that car never inches far enough into the intersection when making a left, and there’s always that one idiot who hears your hilarious joke and just says it louder. I HATE that guy. But I digress. Life often doesn’t make sense. So whenever life throws you a spitball, just remember Calvinball. Yes, Calvinball, the glorious game with only one rule: You can’t play the same way twice. Much like life, in Calvinball, a lot of things don’t make sense, you have to make up rules as you go, and the score really doesn’t matter (unless you can tell me who’s winning in this Q to 12 scenario). When life is rough – and even when it’s not – remember Calvinball, and don’t be afraid to make up rules and embrace the insanity of it all. It doesn’t always have to make sense, it doesn’t always have to be so serious, and sometimes there’s a sweet relief to that surrender.

2. EMBRACE YOUR WEIRDNESS
Oh man, I wish I could tell my high-school self this one. No one should deny themselves their own weirdness. Calvin is never afraid to boldly declare his weirdness, even when doing so results in his classmates ostracizing him and his teachers and parents disciplining him. To act any other way, to be any other person, is an option that never even enters his head. And in my experience, the people that bring out my weirdness are the ones I hug the hardest.

3. Perception is Reality
People debate if Hobbes is actually real — is he Calvin’s conscience? His subconscious? But the only thing we can know for sure is that Hobbes is real to Calvin. And if he’s real to Calvin, then Hobbes is real on some level, even if it’s a level that we can’t access ourselves. Watterson has said that “Calvin sees Hobbes one way, and everyone else sees Hobbes another way,” much like how Calvin’s view of the world often differs from everyone else’s. Reality is in the eye of the beholder.

When it comes to dealing with people, everything’s easier when you remember that a person’s entire world is based on their perception of reality. Therefore, their perception is their reality, no matter how objective they try (or don’t try) to be. Whether their perception is that your email was snarky or that a stuffed tiger can come to life, simply acknowledging that their perspective exists can do wonders. You can acknowledge someone’s viewpoint and still disagree with them … and then of course think inside your own reality what an idiot they are for misinterpreting your emails, which are really just concise and don’t contain a million exclamation marks. (Note: The only exception to this “perception is reality” rule is Rihanna, because I will never understand why her reality includes a clause stating that Chris Brown is remotely datable.)

4. BOYS FLIRT WEIRD
Whether you’re 7 or 27, this is always a good reminder. The boy on the bus who would always wipe his boogers on you was actually struggling to say that he kinda really liked you. He just hadn’t developed the emotional vocabulary and self-awareness to express it. By the time 27 hits, boys have evolved into fully formed adults with an impressive capacity to say what they mean and mean what they say!

No, I’m kidding. Actually not much has changed at all. True, they don’t wipe boogers on you anymore (although it’s possible they’ve just mastered the more subtle art of “The Flick”), but their flirting now consists of hovering their mouse over the “Like” button on your most recent Facebook status before deciding that clicking is way too obvious, or sending confusing texts. Does anyone know what a sad winky face means?
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5. For the Most Part, Your Parents Did Their Best
It’s amazing the new appreciation you can bring to these pages once you move out of your parents’ house and start wiping your own ass. While Calvin and Hobbes primarily deals with the adventures of the two title characters, Watterson also offers poignant reflections on parenthood from the perspective of Calvin’s nameless parents. Yes, your parents will always be your parents, and you’ll always be their child, even when you’re no longer a child. But at some point you also realize that your parents are not flawless. They make mistakes, and — spoiler alert! — they made mistakes with you. They’re not infallible, but even through their faults, they’re still teaching you. So now that you’re a little older, give them a break. Maybe give them a call. And as the phone rings and you’re waiting for them to pick up, just remember that you cried nonstop for, like, the first year of your life. That definitely caused some resentment.

6. There’s Never Enough Time to Do All the Nothing You Want, aka Summer Will Always Go By Too Quickly
Summer is the perfect metaphor for childhood — golden, intangible, fleeting. When I was little, I used to put my hand out the car window and try to “grab air.” I really believed that I could hold onto a piece of air, but inevitably it would always slip through my hands (look, I never said I was smart). Even to this day, I sometimes find myself with my hand out the window, reaching for something but grasping nothing, still believing that I might be able to hold the air, even for just a moment, always forgetting that you can’t hold onto that air any more than you can grab hold of a moment. You just have to be in it, and embrace the only thing you can embrace: that the moment — like summer, like childhood, like the time to do all the nothing you want — will slip right through our hands.

7. The Most Important Things You Learn Aren’t From School
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8. A GOOD DANCE PARTY SOLVES MOST PROBLEMS.
Especially when those problems are things like “My phone is so slow” and “They didn’t have my hummus at the supermarket.”
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9. GO OUTSIDE, SUNSHINE MAKES US HAPPY.
Easy to say when you live in LA, but seriously. Sunshine is amazing. It’s also amazing how easily we forget that. When my family got digital cable, I didn’t go outside for a year. There were just so many channels. Now that I’m too old, I know better. Plus I have DVR.
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10. There’s Treasure Everywhere, It’s a Magical World, Lets Go Exploring.
It may not always feel like it, and it may not always be easy to believe, but it’s true. There is treasure everywhere and it’s a magical world, so let’s go exploring!
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Lost poem dated 04/03/2007

I have umpteen notebooks and one was falling apart. I found this amidst the looseleaf paper spilling out of its leather bound cover. Not my best but worth keeping.

Forget why you’re here
Forget that you exist
Remember all your fears
Remember what you miss
Keep your intuitions hidden
Keep your secrets quiet
Give your sorrow good riddance
Give with all your night
Sing like the day is gone
Sing like you want tomorrow
Cry as if all is done
Cry for everything borrowed
Talk when no one is listening
Talk for people to hear
Sleep with your dreams glistening
Sleep as if your lover is near
Enjoy yourself and others
Enjoy the air and dirt
Let yourself have lovers
Let yourself get hurt
Don’t let life pass you by
Don’t runaway from the pain
Live life till you die
Love life till your soul is slain

I think I can start checking some of these off now…

77 Super Fun Date Ideas

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss

(I will probably exchange some of these for different, more appropriate for us, dates.)

1. Make chocolate covered strawberries
2. Paris night: get a baguette, French wine, and cheese!
3. Read your favorite books to one another
4. Bake cookies together
5. Watch the sunrise, then make breakfast together
6. Attend a local soccer game
7. Watch an entire season of your fav TV show
8. Go for a long drive
9. Planetarium
10. Art gallery
11. Play board games
12. Movie
13. Visit garage sales
14. Volunteer for a homeless shelter
15. Go dancing
16. Go to the driving range
17. Build a snowman
18. Ride go-carts
19. Rent a movie
20. Have a carpet picnic
21. Go to an arcade
22. Play Frisbee
23. Go kayaking
24. Go ice skating
25. Visit the pumpkin farm
26. Go to a forest preserve
27. Go to ballet performance
28. Visit a place listed in an entertainment book
29. Bike riding
30. Study social media marketing
31. Bowling
32. Haunted house
33. Out for coffee
34. Visit a flea market
35. Play bingo
36. Go to an opera
37. Swing by a bookstore
38. Visit another city
39. Go hear jazz or reggae
40. See an NBA game
41. Play in the batting cages
42. Vegas anyone, lol?
43. Piano bar
44. Visit a nursing home and hand out flowers to everyone
45. Have lunch at a trendy new restaurant
46. Grab a fish fry
47. Grab a pint at an Irish pub
48. Chinese food and DVDs – the perfect mix
49. Attend a poetry reading
50. Attend an author reading from their latest fiction work
51. Go antiquing
52. Go out for drinks
53. Visit a winery
54. Attend a painting class
55. Visit an animal shelter – you may come home with a new pet
56. Go for a carriage ride
57. Visit the tourist spots in your hometown
58. Take a trip to the hobby store – pick out a project to work on for the afternoon
59. Take a walk – around a lake, in the moonlight, by the river, on the beach
60. Go to a festival
62. Create a scrapbook
61. Go to a shrimp boil
63. Attend a matinee
64. Visit the zoo
65. Go see a local band
66. Have lunch at a church festival
67. Go camping
68. Go hiking
69. Go rock climbing
70. Play croquet
71. Attend a farmer’s market
72. Have dinner at a new place
73. Try out a new cuisine
75. Take part in a community theater performance
74. Go strawberry picking or visit an apple orchard
76. Attend a live, outdoor music night in your town
77. Go see fireworks

Lessons still around at 30…

I had this extensive, really thoughtful post started and sitting as a draft for over a week – all about a lesson I am still learning. Funny thing, I know the lesson. I’ve known it for a while. It’s not a hard lesson to understand and learn from for the future. It’s also one of those lessons that some people may never have to experience in such a way that it becomes one of “those” lessons. You know, those lessons that you have to do wrong with, you have to make a mistake or accept a consequence for something you did or did not do. That kind of lesson I am far to familiar with. The blog that started but will never be posted was going to go into this lesson with probably too much information than anyone really wants to know about me. All of that being said, I chucked that one into the trash and decided to try it this way. I also have had, yet again, another factor come into play that, perhaps, will change the thoughts that were originally flying around about the topic.

I’m sure, if anyone is reading, you are highly anticipating this “lesson”. And like I said, not everyone gets to learn this lesson the same. The lesson is… SEX. Not a total shocker to some people. It’s not just sex. It’s the role sex plays in the world of dating. Now, I have been single, really single, for almost exactly 4 years now. I’ve dated, I’ve put myself out there, I’ve been anti-dating, anti-relationship, and I’ve even been on dating websites to try to get back in the game. Doesn’t matter how I’ve met the guy, I did put an effort into it. I know that for whatever reason, the guys I dated were not meant to work out. I’m truly 100% happy and grateful that none of them did. When I moved back to Idaho in 2010, I didn’t have men on the brain. I had Rockstar Ronan, his family and the rest of the childhood cancer community on my mind. That’s what was driving my life, not the thought of a relationship. I’ve stayed true to those thoughts since then, but with outside perspective intervening into my personal life, I decided to succumb to peer pressure and jump back on the dating train. Any wild guesses as to how that worked out?? Well I’m still happily single, if that gives you am insight to where this post is going. I managed to go about a year before accepting a date, or even really flirting with anyone. So August rolls around and I get asked out. I accept and it seems cool. No sparks though. No initial butterflies. Let me say here, I have a two-week track record. I can tell within 2 WEEKS whether or not there is enough there to keep me interested and have enough promise to be something real. I also do not continue to date someone if I feel as though its not going to be the real deal. ZERO point and it wastes everyone’s time. Sometimes there are enough things that are just so annoying or irritating that I simply cannot continue to talk to or hang out with the person. It’s not them fault, that’s just who they are and our personalities just didn’t mesh well. No offense given or taken. Back to the guy, we talked about being intimate and I told him I wanted to wait until there was something established before we did the deed. I don’t want to be “sexually active” with someone I barely know, and who I may not see again after a few weeks. He agreed and we waited. A week. NOT LONG ENOUGH. We both gave in too easily and too quickly. Now, not that giving in too early is the direct reason for us not working out, because I know there are a lot of other reasons I ended t with this guy. I even tried to end it at 2 weeks and he managed to convince me to give it more time. I think I was more concerned with being mean and hurting someone’s feelings as opposed to being true to myself and what I wanted. I am only taking the quick-timing into account to go along with the rest of my thoughts on this. If I would have waited like I intended to, he and I would never have gone that far. Ever.
After ending it with Bachelor #1, I hadn’t jumped off the dating train yet. I was still interested in finding someone to spend time with…still interested in finding that “one”. That ended around the same time that I went to visit my old digs back in Los Angeles, and I cannot even describe how amazing it felt to be back in LA. The moment I got there, I felt normal again. Like I was going back home from a trip visiting Idaho. Not the other way around. While I was down there, my focus shifted from “find the one” to “GET BACK TO CALI!” Even after a quick weekend in Phoenix for the first annual Gold Party for Rockstar Ronan, I was still thinkin more about my career and life in the cancer world, IN A WARM CLIMATE. I was once again back in my position for thinking solely for myself, about myself and acting only in ways that would get me back to LA or in Phoenix sooner than later. That thought in mind, there really is no point in meeting a guy up here, right? Right! I did have a male friend who was great to chat with, and to keep life from being too boring, but it was just a friend thing. That kept me in a good place until November. Then, abruptly, I find out the friend liked me more than a friend, and that just wasn’t in the cards. Long distance friendship, questionable scenarios wih other mutual friends. Long story short, not only did it not to go more than friends, the friendship disappeared as well. Almost perfect timing, I had fallen ill in November, turning into a terrible case of pneumonia. Being stuck at home for the better part of two weeks, not having this friend to talk to anymore, my boredom got the best of me. I had signed up with a free online dating site down in California and it seemed to have promise down there, so why not try it up here? Within a couple days, I had started talking to a guy who seemed pretty normal, down to earth, and we communication through technology for a few weeks, and met the day before my birthday. We got along great, but there was never any spark. No butterflies, no giddy feelings or smiles. It was one of the most boring “relationships” I’d ever been on, and right about that two week mark, he asked me to be his girlfriend. UGH. Really?!? We had waited a little longer than I did before on doing the deed, but even then, shortly after that it was time to be serious. Aaaaah! Let me run for the hills!!! I told him I needed to think about it, and I kid you not, I left his house and fell on the ice, royally fucking up my back. If I would have stayed, I wouldn’t have fallen. I still wonder about that night, how different the last 3 months would have been for me. Anyway, with that fall, he ended up helping me for few days and then he really started to get on my nerves. Not being around me & not talking to him made me feel better. I was happier staying home alone than having him come over. So I ended it. That was beginning of January. So in a little over 5 months, I had two situations that were “not enough for me” but just what they needed or wanted. Not either of our faults and obviously not meant to be.
Now, this preface to my “lesson” is a lot longer than I expected. I’m almost done. I promise.
After that second guy, I was kinda over it. Coeur d Alene doesn’t have the best selection for dating. It wasn’t a big deal for me to just stop dating, jump off the train. I had bigger and better things on my plate and in my future, so why dwell on something that I didn’t even have the heart for? So I stopped. Mid-February I reconnected on Facebook with a guy I went to school with when I was 10. We had even reconnected when we about 20 and I met his girlfriend and had dinner with them. Now, 10 years later, he and that girl are divorced with two kiddos. Anyway, he and I went on a date and he was the nicest and most respectful guy I had met in a very very long time. It was refreshing and exciting and since I knew him, for the majority of my life, I felt really comfortable with him. I felt like what he said was honest and sincere, so any fears or doubts I had flew away like a bird during winter. After the way the first date went, my guard was gone for the second. Here is where the lesson begins. Second date led to some simple fooling around, and even though we both discussed not letting it get that far too soon, we ended up doing just that. I didn’t let myself stress out about it, because he made me feel comfortable. He made me trust him within one date. My instincts said “Go for it! It’s fine! He’s a nice guy!!” Well, much to my surprise, he was not as desirable as I originally thought. He went MIA for a few days, and to me, that’s not okay. Considering the situation, I should have heard from him. Instead of keeping up with the awesome I thought he was, he turned into exactly what I was avoiding.
So here’s the lesson!!!!!! Ready!? For those who are obviously “with it” better than I am… You already know this.
No matter what – DO NOT GIVE THE COOKIE UP. No matter how long you’ve known him, how comfortable he may make you feel, how much your instincts say it is okay – DO NOT DO IT. Let the guy wait. Let him prove to you it’s worth it. Let him prove to you he’s not just looking for the throw-back fish.
Now, again, I assume most people get this logic. Most people probably don’t have a problem keeping the cookie locked up till the time is more appropriate. Maybe not. But for those girls who think they are ready to give it up, if it’s within 30 days (or 90 days according to a very wise man), let this 30 year old woman help you here. Don’t do it!! It’s not necessarily the reason if it doesn’t work out, but why add another number to your list if you aren’t really sure it’s going to go anywhere? Any guy who’s worth it will wait for it to be right, and if he doesn’t, he’s not worth it anyway.

Even when intuition says it’s okay, stop and think about it a little more. If you decide all is well and the time is right, trust it. If it doesn’t work out or you get “played” by a suave male, you cannot blame him. You could’ve said no till you knew more, and trust me. Douchey men show their true colors quick enough if you give them time.

As it took me weeks to decide to scrap the old draft and start fresh, I’m going to leave it here. Good ole lessons about sex and relationships.

(PS Steve Harvey’s book “Think like a lady, Act like a man” is a book that helped inspire some standards for dating. I highly recommend it for those women who may have issues/problems/questions about finding and keeping a man.)

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